Female, age 41 – (click on image to enlarge)
I don’t like the way my face is “changing.” I didn’t expect it in the places it’s happening, and I’m sure there will be more surprises in the future. I don’t expect the surprises to be anything nice. I want to buy all of the really expensive anti-aging products, all of them. Because I am sure that each is a miracle in a bottle that will shore up my eyelids, get rid of the bags and what-have-you.
I see my role as excellent girlfriend, librarian, native San Franciscan, a dying breed. I’ve always seen my role in society as a native San Franciscan, but aside from that, I think I was really out for a good time and didn’t really care about my role. I did once see myself as a wife, but that was for a brief, unpleasant time.
No, I have not accomplished what I’d hoped to. I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. I think that a lack of direction, or focus, prevented me from accomplishing things. Being from a working-class family and knowing that money opens doors for people, held me back from doing some things. I should have tried to do them anyway. I’m not a victim of the blue collar. Regarding things I would have done differently…I would have studied harder and gone to better schools.
I’m most proud of the progress I am making as a weight lifter, real, hardcore, no joke weight lifting. I’ve never been stronger and I never dreamed that I could lift heavier than some men. I didn’t know that I had the strength or mental discipline for it. When I have a good training session, and someone asks how I am, I tell them, “I was strong today.” I train with one of the top 100 trainers in the country, and he tells me that I am strong all the time.
Regarding the aging process…we can’t stop time. It’s coming for my face and my body, and I can only fight it to a degree. Eventually, it will get me. I would like to be able to say, “as long as I have my health…” and mean it. But I don’t. I don’t mean it at all.
I don’t have a bucket list. I should probably have one so that in 10 or 20 years I don’t find myself again saying that I haven’t accomplished anything due to a lack of direction or focus.
© 2011 The Terrain Project.